Finding the motivation to exercise can be difficult at times. Whether it is going to the gym or simply going for a power walk, some women often feel the lack of support to get started.
In a casual conversation with a close friend, she expressed her frustrations for not frequenting the gym as she did in the past. When asked to go a little deeper to help me have a clearer picture of what she was experiencing, she said that her first concern was the amount of weight that she gained over a period of 3 years. Since gaining weight, she said that she developed feelings that she was being judged by others based on her appearance. She said that now when she looks at photos from a few years ago, she now realizes that she was actually a great size, contrary to what she previously believed. In addition, my dear friend said that she sometimes has thoughts of not “being worthy” which is connected with society’s image of “body beautiful”. Although in the past she led an active lifestyle attending dance classes and the local fitness center with her girlfriends, she said that this also changed when her friends relocated to other cities. She says that these years have not been easy for her.
My beautiful friend has many wonderful qualities in her life which she worked very hard to achieve but in this moment, what is most important is that she is able to find the inner strength to set and follow through on practical goals, i.e. fitness and life.
Fitness Tips
1. If you are having negative thoughts, counter act them by telling yourself that you are worthy and that you are changing/evolving into someone better than who you were before. (Try telling yourself this everyday)
2. If you find that you are not quite up for the gym at this moment, start your fitness “program” by walking through your neighborhood. This will gradually build your confidence to be seen by others because it will take place in an environment that is familiar and possibly non-threatening (your neighborhood).
Also note that walking is an easy calorie burner. By walking, you will shed 210 calories in 30 minutes when walking a 15 minute mile and 420 calories when running a 10 minute mile.
3. Having accountability is very important, especially if you may not feel strong enough at times to follow through with your plan. Here are some suggestions:
1) Create a simple fitness plan which is realistic and applicable to your daily schedule.
2) Find a fitness/workout partner in your city.
3) Use your friends to monitor your fitness progress a few times a week. If your friends are not living in the same city, the phone and e-mail are excellent instruments to stay in touch!!
4) Find an on-line fitness partner. There are numerous fitness forums with women looking for the same support as you.
5) Hire a lifestyle fitness coach. You will pay for their services but you will have various options of communication such as, telephone sessions, IM (instant messaging), Skype, e-mail, and face to face coaching sessions at your disposal.
*Continue to eat meals which are healthy and balanced and drink plenty of water to keep up your physical strength.
Remember, the changes in your life begin with you but with today’s technology, you can find various means of support to help you obtain and maintain your goals.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Learning the Basics 101
As you may have read in my blog biography, I work as a Lifestyle Fitness Coach meaning that I come across various types of people with interesting stories. The clients come from diverse backgrounds but with a similar theme, they want to improve their lives by working to achieve the maximum potential to learn new life skills. With permission to share this story with anonymity by a former client, you will see how one woman’s desire for independence and a career taught her something more important than her doctorate degree….. she learned the simple and practical things in life.
“Maria” as we will call her, was a married woman, with one child, Harvard educated but always struggling to find her purpose in life. She had the mentality which permitted her to solve the most difficult equations but when it came to the basic necessities in life, she was lost. “Maria” was a great partner and mother; so she thought until one day, unsuspectingly, her husband told her that he had enough and that he wanted to leave. Devastated, lost, and confused because her life was built around her family always being intact and never thought that this could happen to her; she had to do some very deep soul searching to better comprehend her life. Following many days of crying and accusations, the couple came to a “truthful” understanding about their expectations from each other. “Maria” had learned that though her husband had enjoyed taking care of the home in the past, he began to feel that all responsibilities had fallen upon him without consideration, appreciation, and assistance.
“Maria” came from a middle class New England family where many things, especially house chores were done by others. Her only requirement as a youth was to study. “Maria” was an intellect who often saw “domesticated” women as being “subservient" and never thought that these small details would ever be a concern in her life. “Maria” wanted me to make it very clear that these were not the values held by her hard-working family.
She said that this was one of the hardest periods in her life. First of all, she was trying to search for the fulfillment in her life, secondly, she had an agenda but without a plan for change, and finally she always believed that she satisfied her husband with her “big plans” for the future but what she actually discovered was that all he wanted and appreciated were the simple things in life; these were the things that she had taken for granted.
In our coaching sessions, we discussed where the origins of the perception of “the domesticated” woman may have evolved. “Maria” replied that her family came from a very strict Catholic background where the role of the woman was seen as a subservient to the man. This, she said was evident with the women in her family rushing home to prepare their husbands’ dinners. She said that she always wanted something more, something different than what she saw; she did not want to react out of fear or tradition when “serving” and/or “pleasing” her man; she wanted a mutual and reciprocal respect for all things in her relationship. From this, she said that the concept of the “independent modern woman” evolved. She wanted to have her own plans and do the things which she viewed as having less importance or less priority in her own time. In consequence, the shock encounter of possibly losing someone very important and dear in her life was the reality check which “Maria” believed was needed to allow her to truly appreciate her husband in a way which she thought was always too easy.
“Maria” said that she also came to the realization that in her quest for independence she was actually dependant. “Maria” never had the thought that one day her husband would leave, and in consequence, she found herself unprepared and stunned at how much her life was actually dependant on his life. She began to work on these things which she had neglected so long ago, not for the sake of “appeasing” her husband but to make herself a more efficient person, more effective in her career and most importantly……… a better role model for her child. As she saw in her own life, children learn from example.
“Maria” now says that even though she felt lost, overwhelmed, and devastated at times during this period, the experience made her a more practical and efficient person than who she was before. She also says that much strength and insight into her life was gained and those objects which were a hindrance, released. “Maria” says that she is now able to see, appreciate, and better manage the little things in life and that she would never forget the lessons learned.
The story that I have just shared is true. It is the actual life experience of an everyday woman just like you and I, who put so much effort in trying to understand, to be, and to solve the deeper meanings of life that she did not understand how important the basics were to her own life. She took an experience which may have been viewed as “discouraging” and made it work for her own purpose, to become a better person and truly gain the independence in which she always longed for.
“Maria” as we will call her, was a married woman, with one child, Harvard educated but always struggling to find her purpose in life. She had the mentality which permitted her to solve the most difficult equations but when it came to the basic necessities in life, she was lost. “Maria” was a great partner and mother; so she thought until one day, unsuspectingly, her husband told her that he had enough and that he wanted to leave. Devastated, lost, and confused because her life was built around her family always being intact and never thought that this could happen to her; she had to do some very deep soul searching to better comprehend her life. Following many days of crying and accusations, the couple came to a “truthful” understanding about their expectations from each other. “Maria” had learned that though her husband had enjoyed taking care of the home in the past, he began to feel that all responsibilities had fallen upon him without consideration, appreciation, and assistance.
“Maria” came from a middle class New England family where many things, especially house chores were done by others. Her only requirement as a youth was to study. “Maria” was an intellect who often saw “domesticated” women as being “subservient" and never thought that these small details would ever be a concern in her life. “Maria” wanted me to make it very clear that these were not the values held by her hard-working family.
She said that this was one of the hardest periods in her life. First of all, she was trying to search for the fulfillment in her life, secondly, she had an agenda but without a plan for change, and finally she always believed that she satisfied her husband with her “big plans” for the future but what she actually discovered was that all he wanted and appreciated were the simple things in life; these were the things that she had taken for granted.
In our coaching sessions, we discussed where the origins of the perception of “the domesticated” woman may have evolved. “Maria” replied that her family came from a very strict Catholic background where the role of the woman was seen as a subservient to the man. This, she said was evident with the women in her family rushing home to prepare their husbands’ dinners. She said that she always wanted something more, something different than what she saw; she did not want to react out of fear or tradition when “serving” and/or “pleasing” her man; she wanted a mutual and reciprocal respect for all things in her relationship. From this, she said that the concept of the “independent modern woman” evolved. She wanted to have her own plans and do the things which she viewed as having less importance or less priority in her own time. In consequence, the shock encounter of possibly losing someone very important and dear in her life was the reality check which “Maria” believed was needed to allow her to truly appreciate her husband in a way which she thought was always too easy.
“Maria” said that she also came to the realization that in her quest for independence she was actually dependant. “Maria” never had the thought that one day her husband would leave, and in consequence, she found herself unprepared and stunned at how much her life was actually dependant on his life. She began to work on these things which she had neglected so long ago, not for the sake of “appeasing” her husband but to make herself a more efficient person, more effective in her career and most importantly……… a better role model for her child. As she saw in her own life, children learn from example.
“Maria” now says that even though she felt lost, overwhelmed, and devastated at times during this period, the experience made her a more practical and efficient person than who she was before. She also says that much strength and insight into her life was gained and those objects which were a hindrance, released. “Maria” says that she is now able to see, appreciate, and better manage the little things in life and that she would never forget the lessons learned.
The story that I have just shared is true. It is the actual life experience of an everyday woman just like you and I, who put so much effort in trying to understand, to be, and to solve the deeper meanings of life that she did not understand how important the basics were to her own life. She took an experience which may have been viewed as “discouraging” and made it work for her own purpose, to become a better person and truly gain the independence in which she always longed for.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
It’s Not About Diet……
Every time we look up there is always a “celebrity” endorsing a new diet and wonder pill to lose weight. They share their miracle stories of how they lost 20lbs. in 2 weeks or even better, how they lost an enormous amount of weight 5 days after giving birth. Of course these are exaggerated examples of what the “non-celebrity type” woman hears everyday in regards to dieting but the simple fact is that healthy eating and regular exercise are the keys to keeping us healthy and fit.
It has been suggested by numerous readings that the best idea to have when considering dieting is to forget calories and think instead about healthy eating. Remember the four food groups? Well, it has been reformatted to 6 food groups in some articles; the reason given is that each food group provides some but not all of the essential nutrients. A healthy diet includes foods from all groups with especially 5 or more servings of fruits and vegetables each day. It has also been found that a low intake of fruits and vegetables are directly associated with an increased risk of chronic diseases, particularly cancer.
Traditional USDA Food Pyramid
Source: GCBPress, 2004
In 1994, “Eating in America Today, a Dietary Pattern and Intake Report”, stated that most Americans’ diets were nowhere close to the requirements of the USDA suggestion (see chart above). The facts are that America is big and getting bigger every year! Americans tend to follow what is called the “tumbling pyramid” which includes large servings of fats/oils/sweets, which are greater than any of the servings from the vegetable, fruit, milk, and meat groups. In consequence, 64% of U.S. adults are either overweight or obese; this is 8% higher than earlier estimates. Among children and teens ages 6-19, 15% or almost nine million are overweight, this is triple the rate in 1980.
Note: Overweight and obesity are both labels for ranges of weight that are greater than what is generally considered healthy for a given height. The terms also identify ranges of weight that have been shown to increase the likelihood of certain diseases and other health problems.
The following table shows the prevalence of obesity as it relates to education levels. Obesity prevalence has increased across all education levels, and is higher for persons with less education.
Source: CDC, Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, 1991-2001.
This table shows the percentages of obese men and women in selected European Countries and Canada.
Eating less fruits and vegetables and being less active increases your chances of becoming obese. Remember, there are no good or bad foods; it’s just about being aware that you are eating a healthy and balanced diet. Eating to satisfy hunger and pleasure should enable you to eat healthfully without feeling guilty.
Beginning Exercise…………
Becoming physically active can change your body form by toning and firming your muscles and lowering your body fat over time. Studies show that with regular exercise, most women can expect to lose some weight. When beginning a new exercise program, try to make a plan that will help you to stay focused and achieve your outcomes.
Consider the following:
•Consider your fitness goals. Are you starting a fitness program to help lose weight? Or do you have another motivation, such as preparing for a 5K race? Having clear goals can help you gauge your progress.
•Think about your likes and dislikes. Choose activities you'll enjoy. If you have fun doing the exercises you've selected, you're more likely to keep doing them.
•Plan a logical progression of activity. If you're just beginning to exercise, start cautiously and progress slowly. If you have an injury or a medical condition, consult your doctor or a physical therapist for help designing a fitness program that gradually improves your range of motion, strength and endurance.
•Build activity into your daily routine. Finding time to exercise can be a challenge. To make it easier, schedule time to exercise as you would any other appointment. Plan to watch your favorite show while walking on the treadmill, or read while riding a stationary bike.
•Think variety. Varying your activities (cross-training) can keep exercise boredom at bay. Cross-training also reduces the risk of injuring or overusing one specific muscle or joint. Plan to alternate among activities that emphasize different parts of your body, such as walking, swimming and strength training.
•Allow time for recovery. Many people start exercising with frenzied zeal — working out too long or too intensely — and give up when their muscles and joints become sore or injured. Plan time between sessions for your body to rest and recover.
•Put it on paper. A written plan may encourage you to stay on track.
Mayo Clinic Staff. (2007, January 12). Fitness programs: 6 steps to guide your selection. Retrieved March 08, 2007, from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fitness/SM00025
There exist more diet solutions in our societies than ever before and the numbers continue to grow every year, in response to the demands of a weight conscious world. Based on the various research and publications however; they suggest that with a good balanced diet along with regular exercise are the healthiest ways to manage your weight. In short, there are no quick solutions to losing weight which are “free” but with charting your fitness and weight goals, managing what you eat, regular exercise and plenty of water and rest, you will not only see the results in your body but you will also feel great over all.
It has been suggested by numerous readings that the best idea to have when considering dieting is to forget calories and think instead about healthy eating. Remember the four food groups? Well, it has been reformatted to 6 food groups in some articles; the reason given is that each food group provides some but not all of the essential nutrients. A healthy diet includes foods from all groups with especially 5 or more servings of fruits and vegetables each day. It has also been found that a low intake of fruits and vegetables are directly associated with an increased risk of chronic diseases, particularly cancer.
Traditional USDA Food Pyramid
Source: GCBPress, 2004
In 1994, “Eating in America Today, a Dietary Pattern and Intake Report”, stated that most Americans’ diets were nowhere close to the requirements of the USDA suggestion (see chart above). The facts are that America is big and getting bigger every year! Americans tend to follow what is called the “tumbling pyramid” which includes large servings of fats/oils/sweets, which are greater than any of the servings from the vegetable, fruit, milk, and meat groups. In consequence, 64% of U.S. adults are either overweight or obese; this is 8% higher than earlier estimates. Among children and teens ages 6-19, 15% or almost nine million are overweight, this is triple the rate in 1980.
Note: Overweight and obesity are both labels for ranges of weight that are greater than what is generally considered healthy for a given height. The terms also identify ranges of weight that have been shown to increase the likelihood of certain diseases and other health problems.
The following table shows the prevalence of obesity as it relates to education levels. Obesity prevalence has increased across all education levels, and is higher for persons with less education.
Source: CDC, Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, 1991-2001.
This table shows the percentages of obese men and women in selected European Countries and Canada.
Eating less fruits and vegetables and being less active increases your chances of becoming obese. Remember, there are no good or bad foods; it’s just about being aware that you are eating a healthy and balanced diet. Eating to satisfy hunger and pleasure should enable you to eat healthfully without feeling guilty.
Beginning Exercise…………
Becoming physically active can change your body form by toning and firming your muscles and lowering your body fat over time. Studies show that with regular exercise, most women can expect to lose some weight. When beginning a new exercise program, try to make a plan that will help you to stay focused and achieve your outcomes.
Consider the following:
•Consider your fitness goals. Are you starting a fitness program to help lose weight? Or do you have another motivation, such as preparing for a 5K race? Having clear goals can help you gauge your progress.
•Think about your likes and dislikes. Choose activities you'll enjoy. If you have fun doing the exercises you've selected, you're more likely to keep doing them.
•Plan a logical progression of activity. If you're just beginning to exercise, start cautiously and progress slowly. If you have an injury or a medical condition, consult your doctor or a physical therapist for help designing a fitness program that gradually improves your range of motion, strength and endurance.
•Build activity into your daily routine. Finding time to exercise can be a challenge. To make it easier, schedule time to exercise as you would any other appointment. Plan to watch your favorite show while walking on the treadmill, or read while riding a stationary bike.
•Think variety. Varying your activities (cross-training) can keep exercise boredom at bay. Cross-training also reduces the risk of injuring or overusing one specific muscle or joint. Plan to alternate among activities that emphasize different parts of your body, such as walking, swimming and strength training.
•Allow time for recovery. Many people start exercising with frenzied zeal — working out too long or too intensely — and give up when their muscles and joints become sore or injured. Plan time between sessions for your body to rest and recover.
•Put it on paper. A written plan may encourage you to stay on track.
Mayo Clinic Staff. (2007, January 12). Fitness programs: 6 steps to guide your selection. Retrieved March 08, 2007, from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fitness/SM00025
There exist more diet solutions in our societies than ever before and the numbers continue to grow every year, in response to the demands of a weight conscious world. Based on the various research and publications however; they suggest that with a good balanced diet along with regular exercise are the healthiest ways to manage your weight. In short, there are no quick solutions to losing weight which are “free” but with charting your fitness and weight goals, managing what you eat, regular exercise and plenty of water and rest, you will not only see the results in your body but you will also feel great over all.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Mature Women’s Body Image: What Influences?
As women in today’s society, we often find ourselves overwhelmed with images of beauty standards which are not representative for the whole but only a few. Young girls who are barely out of their teens are the chosen representatives, the spokeswomen, the ambassadors for beauty and form. Following the response from the blog, The Media and Body Image posted on February 02, the effects of media propaganda and its effects on the way that we as women view ourselves was discussed. This week’s entry will look at body image from the perspective of the larger population….. the 50 plus age group.
Studies conducted by the Melpomene Institute for Women’s Health have shown that women who were 50 years and older felt underrepresented in the media. In a study a few years ago by the institute, it was found that the suggested weight for a woman 5’4” in height and under 19 years was 113 lbs and 120-122 lbs. for women 19 and older. This is hardly realistic and healthy for older women. The problem for mature women is the lack of positive representation for their age group. Another study by the Melpomene Institute conducted in 1985 found the following: 39% of women aged 20-29 believed they looked better than most women, compared to 87% of women over the age of 50 choosing the same response. The results of these studies are quite amazing; they suggest that satisfaction with body image increases with age.
Curious to see how accurate these results were, I decided to conduct a simple survey of my senior women’s fitness class to see how they would fair in regards to age and body image. This questionnaire was created for women of 50 years and older.
The following are a few random replies from the survey:
One participant said how she felt unsatisfied because she was underdeveloped compared to other women her age when she was in her 20s-30s. She also stated that what had the greatest effect on her body image were other women, she constantly compared herself to others. When asked about her perception today, she responded that she was satisfied with her body today; “I am happy that I have my health and excellent use of both my arms and legs, this is what is most important to me now”.
Another female participant stated that she always felt good about her body in her 20s and 30s; she was always secure and confident in herself and abilities. She also stated that she never had negative feelings about her body; she always knew what she liked and never changed anything about her appearance. In regards to exercise, she replied that she never did it regularly, but she always liked to walk and run wherever she was going, if it was not too far. She also shared how when she was growing up, she would walk three miles to school each day, and three miles home after school, this was her exercise. In regards to the media, she felt that the media was changing its concept of what is beautiful in America. This has been evidenced by new advertisement campaigns to show natural beauty. Finally when asked about her perception of her body image today, she responded that, “Yes, I am guilty of eating too much and gaining more weight than I should have. My skin is still very good, beauty comes from the inside not just the physical appearance”.
In short, the various research studies have shown that in general, a woman’s perception about her body image and value increases with age. The results of my short survey were no exception; all women stated that they felt more confident about their bodies as they matured. Beauty is not just on the outside.
*I would like to thank the women who shared their stories about their body image. They have been greatly appreciated.*
(Take the survey)
Women’s Body Image Survey for 50+
1. How would you describe your feelings about your body image when you were in your 20’s and 30’s?
2. If your feelings were negative, what influenced your perception?
3. Was exercise a part of your daily routine?
4. How do you feel about the media’s representation of mature women in the media today?
5. Has your perception of beauty and body image changed since turning 50?
Studies conducted by the Melpomene Institute for Women’s Health have shown that women who were 50 years and older felt underrepresented in the media. In a study a few years ago by the institute, it was found that the suggested weight for a woman 5’4” in height and under 19 years was 113 lbs and 120-122 lbs. for women 19 and older. This is hardly realistic and healthy for older women. The problem for mature women is the lack of positive representation for their age group. Another study by the Melpomene Institute conducted in 1985 found the following: 39% of women aged 20-29 believed they looked better than most women, compared to 87% of women over the age of 50 choosing the same response. The results of these studies are quite amazing; they suggest that satisfaction with body image increases with age.
Curious to see how accurate these results were, I decided to conduct a simple survey of my senior women’s fitness class to see how they would fair in regards to age and body image. This questionnaire was created for women of 50 years and older.
The following are a few random replies from the survey:
One participant said how she felt unsatisfied because she was underdeveloped compared to other women her age when she was in her 20s-30s. She also stated that what had the greatest effect on her body image were other women, she constantly compared herself to others. When asked about her perception today, she responded that she was satisfied with her body today; “I am happy that I have my health and excellent use of both my arms and legs, this is what is most important to me now”.
Another female participant stated that she always felt good about her body in her 20s and 30s; she was always secure and confident in herself and abilities. She also stated that she never had negative feelings about her body; she always knew what she liked and never changed anything about her appearance. In regards to exercise, she replied that she never did it regularly, but she always liked to walk and run wherever she was going, if it was not too far. She also shared how when she was growing up, she would walk three miles to school each day, and three miles home after school, this was her exercise. In regards to the media, she felt that the media was changing its concept of what is beautiful in America. This has been evidenced by new advertisement campaigns to show natural beauty. Finally when asked about her perception of her body image today, she responded that, “Yes, I am guilty of eating too much and gaining more weight than I should have. My skin is still very good, beauty comes from the inside not just the physical appearance”.
In short, the various research studies have shown that in general, a woman’s perception about her body image and value increases with age. The results of my short survey were no exception; all women stated that they felt more confident about their bodies as they matured. Beauty is not just on the outside.
*I would like to thank the women who shared their stories about their body image. They have been greatly appreciated.*
(Take the survey)
Women’s Body Image Survey for 50+
1. How would you describe your feelings about your body image when you were in your 20’s and 30’s?
2. If your feelings were negative, what influenced your perception?
3. Was exercise a part of your daily routine?
4. How do you feel about the media’s representation of mature women in the media today?
5. Has your perception of beauty and body image changed since turning 50?
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Something to Think About
A few weeks ago, I found myself in a quaint yet colorful café in Washington, DC with a good friend whom I had not seen in about 2 years. As it goes with long-time friends, you talk about the changes which have occurred in life and you share your thoughts about maintaining balance. As we continued discussing, our minds raced from one decade of our lives to the other and the various experiences that we had encountered (some wonderful and others a hard lesson) until we realized that we were guilty as possibly many others for always looking for that “quick fix” for solving problems. We never really took the quality time with ourselves, to look inward for the answers.
Being faced with a problem, we often try to find the resolution to the dilemma on the surface, when the actual cause lies within, deep within our structure. For example, I had a dream not too long ago where I saw a house which had a crack in the foundation and to solve the problem, the house was moved to another location; the interior was never considered to be a direct cause for the fault. It was a fact, in my dream, that heart of the house was the actual cause of the problem; the inside was a mess and the content too heavy for the frame. In consequence, the house remained in the same deteriorating condition with only the relocation as an attempt to mend.
Take for instance someone who felt like an outcast growing up and criticized for being too smart, too poor, too fat, or not trendy enough. Well, it would be simple for this person to move to a larger city or attend a university where they would not be known; create a new lifestyle, become a new person. A change of environment could easily improve one’s appearance, confidence, and self-esteem but what about the true image that would still be possessed within? Eventually, elements of this inner self would resurface.
There are many who have had the opportunities to reinvent themselves to forget those episodes which have been hurtful and painful; and it is often these incidents which have acted as the catalyst for the changes in their lives. If those negative past experiences are not dealt with properly, they will often cause a disturbance and imbalance with the new life, relations, etc. There are those who may realize this incongruence between the true self and the “outer man” and have the ability to make the necessary adjustments but in actuality, we all have this ability, we just need to trust ourselves enough to do it.
In closing, what is the key to bringing the balance between your “true” image and the image portrayed to the public? Well, this question could have many solutions but my suggestion is to always have some sort of accountability in your life. Do not be afraid to truly look into yourself and see if your inner self is congruent with your outer self. Ask yourself if your actions are a performance to hide something within? Some people may find this a difficult task but if you can do this, you will discover a greater resource of strength within than you could ever imagine.
A little exercise
Try telling yourself the following when you may be feeling a little out of sorts:
“I am able and I am confident!”
“I am able and I am confident!”
“I am able and I am confident!”
Being faced with a problem, we often try to find the resolution to the dilemma on the surface, when the actual cause lies within, deep within our structure. For example, I had a dream not too long ago where I saw a house which had a crack in the foundation and to solve the problem, the house was moved to another location; the interior was never considered to be a direct cause for the fault. It was a fact, in my dream, that heart of the house was the actual cause of the problem; the inside was a mess and the content too heavy for the frame. In consequence, the house remained in the same deteriorating condition with only the relocation as an attempt to mend.
Take for instance someone who felt like an outcast growing up and criticized for being too smart, too poor, too fat, or not trendy enough. Well, it would be simple for this person to move to a larger city or attend a university where they would not be known; create a new lifestyle, become a new person. A change of environment could easily improve one’s appearance, confidence, and self-esteem but what about the true image that would still be possessed within? Eventually, elements of this inner self would resurface.
There are many who have had the opportunities to reinvent themselves to forget those episodes which have been hurtful and painful; and it is often these incidents which have acted as the catalyst for the changes in their lives. If those negative past experiences are not dealt with properly, they will often cause a disturbance and imbalance with the new life, relations, etc. There are those who may realize this incongruence between the true self and the “outer man” and have the ability to make the necessary adjustments but in actuality, we all have this ability, we just need to trust ourselves enough to do it.
In closing, what is the key to bringing the balance between your “true” image and the image portrayed to the public? Well, this question could have many solutions but my suggestion is to always have some sort of accountability in your life. Do not be afraid to truly look into yourself and see if your inner self is congruent with your outer self. Ask yourself if your actions are a performance to hide something within? Some people may find this a difficult task but if you can do this, you will discover a greater resource of strength within than you could ever imagine.
A little exercise
Try telling yourself the following when you may be feeling a little out of sorts:
“I am able and I am confident!”
“I am able and I am confident!”
“I am able and I am confident!”
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